Effort, Courage, Commit - A guest blog

I was kindly reminded the other day that I have not written a blog in a while.  Well I truly apologize to my loyal readers for this.  I have always intended this blog to be well thought and introspective.  For that to be its' purpose it often takes me a while to have inspiration hit.  With that said, my eldest son Connor (11), took it upon himself to write an entry for me.  I read it.  It was pretty good.  Apparently some lessons I preach at home are starting to take hold.  So enjoy this entry courtesy of Connor:

"Effort... It is not what you do, it is how you do it.  Without effort you have no courage.  And without courage you have no leadership.  And without leadership you have no effortand that brings us back to the beginning.

You also need to commit to the effort.  If you don't commit all the effort will fade away a little at a time.  You commit to the things that you do most in other ways they are called habits.

Some habits can be good but others can be bad.  You don't want too many bad habits because they can get you in trouble.  Like you have a lying habit it could get you in trouble if you do it too much.

So without effort, courage, and if you don't commit to what you are doing you are not a very wise person or how some people would say it, you have no guts.  So you need those also with bravery to sometimes do what is right."

I know my son put a lot of effort into the piece above.  Like him many of us are unsure of where to put our efforts.  It takes courage to stand for the things you think are right.  The past couple of months have seen some changes in our household.  We have had many conversations about what it takes to not only be successful but what it means and what takes be an individual.  Connor is learning as is little Cooper.  If I may add to my son's thoughts a bit, a couple of adjectives he left out were pride and purpose.

Connor is on the right path.  It takes time and understanding to be all of the adjectives we described above.  But above all things it takes someone to be true and honest with themselves and with those around them.  Once that happens the effort, courage, commitment, pride, and purpose will all fall into place.  In this holiday season take time to be with your families and have the conversations about what it is that makes your family tick.



 If we can all find that ground we can all share and stand proudly on, it should be a great and very interesting 2013.

Passion, Purpose, and Fortitude

   This year has been nothing less than eventful.  I challenged myself to accomplish feats that just years ago I mocked. I found a passion that I did not know lived inside of me.  My wife accomplished a feat that was years in the making with a finish that the both of us will remember for all our years.
   Throughout the year I kept focused on two main points: passion and purpose.  Those two nouns really grew to mean a lot to me.  They are truly symbiotic in nature.  You cannot have purpose without passion, and to have passion there must be purpose.  In all my endeavors this year I had held my purpose close to my heart. I wanted to not only raise money and awareness for the charity that I championed, but I wanted my sons to really see that a single person could make a difference.
   I was able to show my boys purpose.  And I think that they could definitely see the passion.  Some of our best moments were the saturday Bernstein family workouts.  Kerrie had her pacer Cooper on the bike while she ran, and I had Connor pacing me on my long runs that seemed like forever.  I don't think he will ever understand what it meant to me to have him by side while I ran for 5 hours. He showed me something that day, and I think he got what I was showing with my effort; not so much my words.

   So with our summer behind us and fall in full swing, we come to our newest noun - Fortitude. 

      Fortitude: mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty.

   The offseason poses so many challenges to a hopelessly addicted athlete.  We struggle with balancing how much time to take off to heal versus the amount of activity we must do to stay sane. It is also the time we take to reflect and begin to think about goals for the year to come.  I think with the year the Bernstein family has just put in the books we have a lot to look back on.  Even harder will be the setting the goals to come. 
   With my recovery in full swing I have already set sights on 2013 goals.  I am focused on the passion and purpose that carried me through the year and it is my hope to stay on the track of helping others do the same.  When we hit the winter I know that it is time to really dig deep.  Push when the weather says stay in bed, stretch and move when the snow flies.  Get out and enjoy what I have and discover what I have yet to achieve. 
   The offseason will be met with fortitude.  No matter the challenge, we will rise to meet it.  I have accomplished a lot but there is so much more to come.  Get ready Bernstein family, as well as the rest of you, 2013 is gonna be big.

Ironman Louisville 2012: A Family Affair

It is quite hard at times to find the ability and words to put overwhelming feelings down on paper.  But this time that is not the case.  I will give you, my readers, a race report along with some personal feelings from my past experience with Ironman Louisville 2012.  This year's race was met with a completely different philosophy from the get go and I think it proved to be the right one.  To first understand my race report I want to give you some song lyrics to keep in mind that pulled me through my darkest hours. The song is by Egypt Central, titled "Kick Ass".  My theme song for 2012.

Now is the moment
I waited for
I can't be broken
I settled the score
I will not quit
So stand up, up, up

...

Conquer the weakness
Work through the pain
I can't be defeated
I will remain
I will not quit
So stand up, up, up

Stand up
Get your hands up
Move
Are you ready to
Are you ready to...

Are you ready to kick ass

This year as you may or may not know I raced with my wife for the first time in a long time.  Many of my friends constantly asked and wondered how it would play out.  Was I going to wait, was I going to just race, what exactly were my plans?  Well for the most part I kept those cards close to me.  I knew I would finish with my wife, but I did not want to put any pressure on her as this was her first IM.

The swim for IM Louisville is in a river where you swim upstream for about 3/4 mile and then make the turn and swim back for the remaining 1 and 3/4 mile for a total of 2.4 miles. The water temperature was 84-85 so no wetsuit.  Kerrie and I hit the dock running and entered the water together off seperate docks in time trial fashion.  I was hoping to swim with her but it was a bit chaotic with negotiating around several hundred others that were already in the water. I saw her once before the turn but that was it.  My swim this year was phenomenal and uneventful.  I was relaxed and I did not puke! I pulled for about the first mile and a half then kicked into a stronger stroke for the remainder of the time.  I exited the water in 1 hour 14 min a 16 min PR from my first IM.

I came out of the water into transition just amped.  I asked my family if Kerrie had come out and they said not yet.  Kerrie and I had agreed that we would race our own races, but I still worried and wanted to ride with her.  I hit the changing tent.  Put on my bibs and tri jersey, filled up my pockets and headed out to get my steed. My plan was to go easy on the pedals for the first 50 miles or so. The course is very rolling but it is easy to get caught up in going too hard since the first 12 miles is dead flat and very fast.  I managed to hold back and kept my cadence high (90) which is my normal spin. There is an out and back section with a steep decline into a long climb and then back again.  On my return on this leg I saw Kerrie for the first time, she had the largest smile I could imagine and this set my mind at ease.  I was about 6 miles ahead of her at this time and I knew this was the last time I'd see her until the run. The ride went without any event.  The heat had kicked in and there was no relief from the sun.  The roads are smooth but the wind was noticeable.

I had gone through the bottles on my bike and all along I knew I was going to use my special needs bag.  This was the only planned stop I was going to make.  I had swtiched off my speed in order to focus on time for feeding etc.  It is a good thing I did this in hindsight because I would have pushed a bit harder to hit my goal of 20 mph average.  This would have caused some serious problems to occur earlier in the race.  As it was I finished the bike course of 112 miles in 5 hours and 41 mins. Averaging 19.8mph and a 45 min PR from my first IM.  Entering back into transition it was now time to start on my gameplan to finish with Kerrie, the looming question of how was going to be answered very quickly.

I had the same run plan as I did in my ultra.  My pace would be steady but slow.  I would try to maintain a low HR as best as possible at least and fuel constantly.  The IM Louisville run course is a two loop course that is very flat.  The only hills consist of running on a bridge to Indiana and back then running under two road bridges in the U of L area.  Other than that the run course offers no shade and is concrete/asphalt the entire way.  The temp again had risen to 94 degrees and visions of my first time here quickly returned. I had run the first three miles at an easy pace, walked the bridge and was feeling tired but ok.  I went through mile 6 when I started to feel the ominous "this is going to get ugly" feeling.

I began to walk but a quick enough pace to average 4.5 mph.  I knew I was on pace to shatter my first IM time, but I quickly reminded myself that was not why I was here this time.  At mile 10 I saw Kerrie again.  She was smiling still, running, and having a great race and at mile 4.  She asked me how I was, and I did not have enough filter to lie.  I said I am not well but we will finish. We shared a kiss and I told her not too worry and enjoy the moment, but not sure if she heard this.  As I continued to walk the world was growing dark, not because of clouds or shade or a tunnel, but because dehydration had set in with a fury.

There is a moment when you are severly dehydrated that you feel euphoric in a sense.  I must have appeared as a drunk man as I staggered from one side of the lane to the other.  My progress had slowed to a near crawl.  Doubts of a finish quickly began to fill my head and quitting became a real possibility.  I passed my family at mile 13 or so, and they knew I was not well.  I told them not too worry that I could fix was wrong somehow.  I walked past them a bit ashamed of my appearance and sad in the fact that I told my boys not to run along side of me because of how I felt. I told them mom was coming and they needed to be there for her.

About a mile down the road, for the first time ever in a race I stopped.  I sat on the curb and tried to contemplate what was wrong and how would I fix it.  Some fellow racers grabbed my hand helped me up and said that it was not time to rest yet.  I would thank them by name but I do not remember them.  One of them gave me some salt tablets which started my road to recovery.  I walked to the next aid station where again I sat, this time with a medic nearby.  I decided to take all the time I needed, and fortunately took a 10 or 15 minute nap in the grass.  When I woke I had some chicken broth which brought light back into my eyes.

I got up and thanks to Egypt Central and the will of me wanting my finish with Kerrie, I began to walk again.  I even began to run!  I ran to a cone then walked to a cone.  This really got my spirits up.  Thank goodness for Swanson Chicken Broth!!  My strength was returning and I had made the final turnaround to head back to the finish line.  At about 3/4 mile after the turnaround I saw my friend Amy, and shortly after Kerrie.  She looked amazing.  She was still smiling.  I hollared that I can't wait to finish with her and I'd see her soon.  I was soon joined by my friend Rusty, Amy's husband and he shared some pedal time as I walked.  It was great having him there for a bit.  I had fought through so much and really needed to chat at someone.  So a big thanks to him.

I approached the second to last turn before the finish and stopped.  It was here at mile 25.75 that I waited for Kerrie.  I knew she wasn't far behind and I couldn't wait for her so we could finish together.  It had taken 10 years to come to this point.  Kerrie got me started in triathlon many years ago, she had never beaten me.  This time she had beaten me.  No matter the time on the clocks, she deserved for this to be her day.  She nudged me at the line and we embraced following those words,"Jason & Kerrie Bernstein YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!"

Kerrie's time - 14hrs 59 min 00 sec   My time - 14 hrs 59 min 03 secs

The day was long. The anticipation drove me crazy and every step I took was one with emotion and feeling.  We took this journey together.  From every run, ride, swim, babysitter, and everything in between we did this together.  I could not have been more proud of the final moment on 4th St.  Watching Kerrie hug our boys, seeing them look up at her and being so proud.  They sacrificed a lot this summer.  More than most boys should.  But in the end they were the ones that wore the medals. The lessons of Ironman don't just apply to training, nutrition, and race day execution.  They carry over to every facet of life.  Balance, communication, patience, love, and sacrifice.  There are so many feelings to describe the day, but it I can try to sum it up with "Be in the moment".  These were the words we worked and sacrificed by.

A heartfelt thanks goes to:
Connor & Cooper- the two best sons a dad could ask for, Mom & Dad Bernstein & Jessi & Brandon Cain (Sydney too) - you are our Iron Sherpas!
Kristy & Dustin- Always had a bottle of wine ready, and a phone close by.
Craig, Ellen, Tammy, Tammy, Joe, Brad, Amy, Tami, Brooke - Thanks for sharing some of the miles

And all of our friends that followed the journey and whispered or shouted support throughout the day.

55.4 Miles of Pure Enjoyment

This past weekend was a mile marker in my career as an endurance athlete.  I am currently sponsored by a new organization called Worth the Hurt.  In agreeing to be sponsored by them I have dedicated my season to racing for the charity of my choice.  I chose A-T Children's Project, a charity I have worked with for the past 3 years.  Worth the Hurt, or WTH, asked me to come and run the inaugural ultra-marathon in San Francisco.  Ultimately we ran the San Francisco marathon from finish to start and back again, 52.4 miles of pure fun.  Now I know I titled this 55.4 miles of fun but I will get to that.

My wife and I had never been to San Francisco, so I figured what better way to see the city, right?  Kerrie accompanied me as my everything.  Officially she was a bike marshall on the course but she proved to be my biggest asset throughout the entire weekend.  I also had my mentor Tim Borland on my support crew. He has been truly invaluable to me for the experience he has given and he is the reason I got involved with WTH and AT Children's Project.

So I guess I can fastforward a bit. The Saturday morning of race day was interesting.  We had photo and media shoots, then a special panel discussion in which I got to speak to the crowd and share my story and sage wisdom when it comes to all things endurance.  Following the media session we had another photo shoot, then lunch.  The race was slated to start at midnight.  With the time change (going from CST to PST) and a quiet hotel room I was able to get to sleep around 4pm.

Both Kerrie and I rose about 9pm.  My prerace meal consisted of a hearty salad and water.  It neared 10:15pm and the fun was just about ready to begin.  Since Kerrie and Tim were bike marshalls they rode to the finish line where we were to start about 2 miles from the hotel.  I chose to ride a taxi versus Kerrie's handlebars.  I was at the WTH tent where most of the other runners were getting ready.  There was a true sense of comraderie and OMG in the air.  I prepped my Camelbak, fuel belt bottles, and had a cup of coffee.  I was pumped and ready to run, though I had no idea what to expect since I have never run this far in my life.

We did one more media shoot for one of our sponsors Celliant.  Then it was time to gather at the makeshift start line for the anthem and rules.  We were made aware prior to the event that our first marathon would be self supported, open course, run by headlamp and map, with four madatory check points.  It was dark, it was midnite, and it was about to get very real.



The start line

My plan as had been all along was to walk any hill, keep my heart rate below 130 for the first 26.2 miles, fuel every 5 minutes in some manner, and relax.  At the start line there was a lot of experience and only a couple of us(me included) that had never done what I was about to do.  At the sound GO, I began my trot.  The course started flat.  It was dark and about 50 degrees with a light mist. The first four miles were relatively uneventful.  We ran the coast a bit, turned and ran around McCovey Cove and Giant's Ballpark. Then turned inland.  This is where it got a bit interesting.
Did you know San Francisco is not flat.  I did know this but I did not know the severity of slope.  We began to work our way up into the hill that lasted about 2 miles at about a 28% incline. This was the most interesting two miles I have run/walked in a long time.  It was near closing time on the busiest bar strip (Haight Ashbury).  We went from gang territory, to gay bars, to gang, and back.  I only bumped into one drag queen, who was dressed quite eloquently.  Before I knew it I was at the top of the hill and about to enter an even darker area; Golden Gate Park.

For the next 6 miles or so we ran in the park, lost and unsure of which direction to go.  No lights, one map, and no road signs.  A corrections officer was overheard saying, "We should not be here".  But what is life without adventure?  Well I eventually found the way through the park with the asisstance of our random road crew and my wife manning the map.  We left the park and ran an out and back along the shore, where it got very cold and wet and all you heard was the sound of the crashing waves, couldn't really see them though, after all it was 3 am.  Following the shore line run and a missed turn around point, I hit check point 2 and told Kerrie let's go.  For the next two hours she and I were together, in San Francisco.  It was rather uneventful until the last 1/2 mile or so, when I knew we were close on time.  We were asked to be back to the start line by 5am because we were to start with 25,000 other runners on the second marathon. 

One done One to GO. Kerrie on the bike

I hit the gas, and started to part the standing around runners.  It was pretty cool to have people clearing the way ahead of you, I felt like a celebrity.  I got to the WTH tent with 5min to spare.  I was happy, pumped, and ready to go potty!  I was pretty ready to go right into run number 2.  I grabbed a bannana, restocked my Camelbak, fuel belt, and rolled out my muscles and started on run number two around 5:20am.  The second run was approached with the same run/walk plan.  Everything looked different.  Though on this run we ran an out and back across the Golden Gate Bridge.  The fog was pretty thick so no pictures were taken. 

I followed my plan well and was feeling strong, even to the point that I was running faster than my first marathon. I hit mile 19 (48 or so) and the wall hit again.  Yes AGAIN!  I had to slow which was not entirely bad.  Though I now faced the Haight Ashbury hill again only this time it went down.  I ended up walking the entire way.  My legs hurt, my feet hurt, and I did not want to fall and roll two miles to the bottom.  Once it flattened out I began my pacing and trotted in to a welcome finish line. Where yes I got the hug I had been waiting for for 10 hours.  As I said in my media shoots, my favorite part of any race is the hug that I get from my wife Kerrie.

Worth the Hurt Athletes

All in all this was an awesome event. Despite a couple of wrong turns that extended our run it was truly more mental than physical. I was very nervous having never run as far as I did.  The recovery sucks, but the run was amazing.  Having a purpose behind it meant even more.  I am racing for AT Children's Project and Worth the Hurt.  I have to thank Wendi Chapman and Allison Falk and their staff yes Gordon, Jenny, and Maddie too for taking care of me and making sure I got anything I needed.  Thanks to our sponsors CamelBak and Celliant.  Thank you to some amazing other runners that were sponsored along with me: Brian, Kevin, Meredith, Ashley, & Dan.  It was awesome finally meeting you and and an honor to have shared the time together.

Thanks to Tim for his insight, and confidence in my abilities.  He inspired me and encouraged me in every step I took and continue to take for AT.  Lastly Kerrie.  Without whom I would still be running trying to find Old Merchants Road.  I love you.  You are my rock and strength.  With you anything I do is impossible.  Ironman ain't got nothing on us baby. 

The best support crew ever.  Kerrie & Tim Borland

For those interested in the numbers:
1st marathon 29 miles:
4 hours 58 min
avg HR 133 burned 4501 calories

2nd marathon 26.2 miles:
4 hours 50 min
avg HR 144 burned 5060 calories

Second marathon, check!

The Journey Comes Full Circle

Nearly eleven years ago my wife had the idea that she wanted to do a triathlon.  She was about 1 year past the birth of our first son.  We lived in a small town, we were over weight and out of shape.  She had reached the point that many people come to and something in her life had to change.  Little did I know that the change needed in her life would also take place in mine.

We knew nothing about triathlon at the time, but we got her a bike, shoes, and she had already been an accomplished swimmer.  She trained for a few months and the race day arrived.  I went as a supporting husband and with a belief that I would never do what she was doing.  Afterall I did not swim well and dreaded running.  I waited and watched her compete. Quickly an envy had built within me and I thought maybe I can do what she is doing.

Fast forward a year.  I had a bike, Kerrie taught me to swim, and I ran.  We trained together.  We read and educated ourselves on how to train.  We began to learn about our new chosen lifestyle.  Together we made an absolute lifestyle change.  Within a year we were a mere shadow of our former selves. We had become triathletes.  I caught the speed bug and began to push harder to go faster, while Kerrie was happy with being steady with a subtle desire to go fast.  I think she had also grown envious of how fast I had gotten causing a bit of friction.

As the years continued we each got faster though the workouts seemed to be riddled with arguments over who was setting the pace or who was going to workout when.  It is funny to think that we never were selfish in the argument and both of us wanted the other to go and get their work out in.  We had devised two ways for us to be happy in our workouts.  She had the evenings and I had the mornings.  She had her workout partners and I had mine.  We enjoyed our chosen lifestyle, we became successful, healthy, and happy.  Though in the middle years I missed working out with Kerrie.

This winter we had a long talk about her goals.  She decided this was the year for her Ironman.  She asked me to join her in the accomplishing this goal. I was overjoyed at the chance to workout with my partner again. Though our speeds were different I had faith we could make it work.  We had both grown and learned the same philosophies so it seemed we would go well together throughout the whole experience. 

As I write this I am less than two weeks from my ultramarathon and less than 6 weeks from our Ironman.  The entire year has been the best I have ever had.  I have enjoyed having the best training partner a guy could ever ask for.  We have grown together more and our relationship is stronger than it ever has been.  Our workouts have been seamless.  We have picked each other up and pushed ourselves through the lows and been a cheerleader during the highest of highs.  I know I can not do what I do without her.  She had the desire to change our life ten years ago.  I am glad I listened.

Our journey has come full circle.  We are back at where we began, but much healthier and happier in our life.  We have set our goals. We have communicated, orchestrated, and dominated!  Kerrie will be successful in accomplishing her goals as will I.  Together we are commited, together we will enjoy the ride.  All the while our two boys have the absolute best role model any guy could ask for. 

As my theme song for the year states, "Now is the moment, I have waited for, I will not quit... Kick ASS!!!"

Figuring It All Out

So I had a great idea on one of my runs.  I thought it would be cool to take my readers along with me and video tape my run on the day.  Well as we all know sometimes the best intentions do not always fall into place.  I had my phone with me, I was loaded up with my pack, wearing my AT Cure gear, and set out for a short infomercial style run.

I had a great one on one session with, you, my reader.  I told you what I was feeling when I run.  I explained the process of taking on the task of being a representative of something much bigger than yourself.  Taking on the ultra marathon could become a very daunting feat, if I were to look at the task as a whole.  Fortunately I take all my training one day at a time.

Also on this run, I spoke of the passion I have for everything that I do.  I care deeply about how I represent those that have asked me to do so.  I stress the importance of being an honorable person.  Seeing every task and every day through clear to the end.  I know what I have commited to.  I explained that there will be ups and downs.  I have been through some already.  It takes a team.

I had to cut off at this point in the filming because I made a turn into the headwind, so at this time you can pause reading. Stretch, run in place, grab a jump rope.  Go to www.worththehurt.net and donate to my team Jason AT Cure.

Picking back up in the filming a bit more sweaty, I answered some more figurative questions.  The big one being what do you think about when you run or train for that matter?  Considering I train for Ironman as well as ultra marathon this is a three part answer. When I swim, I think, "stroke, pull, breathe, that chick next to me is hot (yes dear that is you), stroke, pull, breathe."  When I bike, I think, "Put the hammer down, keep your mouth closed and your ears open, steady rythym, let it fly." 

Finally when I run, I think, "I run for those that can't.  I do not like to run, but I can run.  It is relaxing, but I hate to run. I can run, and I will run. I will run for however long it takes.  I run for myself, my wife and my boys.  I hate to run.  I am running because I am committed. I am running because I believe in the cause.  I believe that there is nothing stronger than family.  I am running because I can make a difference."

Well, this all came out great on my little video.  But here is why this is not a video blog.  I did not realize that when I filmed from my phone that I had to turn the phone sideways.  When I went to download the video, I had to turn the computer sideways in order to watch it properly.  So if you happen to know how to change the rotation of video from a camera phone would you help me out.

Thanks again for helping me to make a difference.

Homework, Educate, and Set Forth

I had a great conversation with one of my athletes the other day.  He has been an active runner for some time and is becoming a bit bored with were he is at.  He loves to run, but was searching for more. He found my card in a race a bag and thought triathlon may be the ticket to rejuvinating his passion for fitness.

Coach Bernie is ready to Hurt

When he came to me he knew nothing about the sport other than it was a swim, a bike, and a run.  He did not know how to swim, and he lacked an actual bike.  He could run like the dickens though.  Well we hit the pool and he discovered that through a little persistance he would be able to survive and even do well in the swim portion.  With a little monetary investment on his part he was able to purchase a bike and he was now on his way to becoming a triathlete.

Having yet to compete in a triathlon, he has already begun the search for something more meaningful to direct his training.  My athlete works with a father that I have networked with a couple of years ago when I started my club's Stinkfoot 5k.  Greg, has two daughters with AT (www.atcp.org).  Greg has asked my athlete to join in the cause in some manner.

My athlete has been following my exploits with my new venture Worth the Hurt www.worththehurt.net and saw a possible opportunity to get more involved.  It is my thought that all a person needs is information and purpose and they can make a world of difference.  Do your homework, educate yourself, then set your mission.  Too often people rush in to something only to fizzle in the end or just dabble rather than making the true commitment.

It is with Worth the Hurt and the families of AT Cure that I am setting forth to make my difference.  I am ready to leave my mark.  As I watched helplessly as one of the families I just got to know lose their child, I really had to wonder if I could make a difference. It is with subtle acts of kindness and help from total strangers we can make a difference in a family or child's life. 

Two athletes with a Very big heart

I think my athlete is on the right track.  When you get involved in changing your life, you find not only you change yours but you begin to help change others.  He will leave his mark.  I will leave mine,  question now is, will you?